Dating and Marriage

I have a feeling that dating and marriage will end up being one of my favorite subjects of the semester. Probably because that is the point I am at in my life and I always feel like I can never take enough notes on the matter. Marriage is a BIG deal. Eternity is a long time...

One of my favorite things on this subject is the how a date should be and then how it correlates with The Family: A Proclamation to the World. 

Date                                                Family Proclamation Correlation

Paid For (money)---------------------------------->Provide

Planned (beginning, end, structure)------------->Preside

Paired Off (responsible for the other)---------->Protect

I love what we can learn from about our future spouse from this little chart. 

 Another one of the things I loved was the R.A.M. chart.

Basically this chart can show you where you rely in a relationship and where you should be. For example I wouldn't want the trust higher on the chart than the Know because I'm not going to trust someone I don't know that well. When touch is the highest, it makes everything off. We need to start with the Know and slowly each of the lines will move up on all of them.

   The things we learn from dating will carry on for the rest of our lives. Dating a lot of different people will help you to see the different qualities you will eventually want in a spouse. Before marriage there are three things that need to happen. You need to spend time with that person. With a minimum of 3 months. (This is going to be different for everyone, I know) The next one is togetherness. You need to be together in things that you have in common, what you both want in a future, and just being together. The last one is Talking. You want to be able to share with them as much as you feel comfortable with. And it has to be talking, not texting. 

   All of these are tips/notes for myself and of course anyone is welcome to use them, but they are things I definitely want to remember.

Gender

    I was pretty disturbed when we watched a video in class and the woman (Gloria Steinman) from the video truly believes that "we badly need to raise our boys more like our girls." How wrong is that? Why would we all want to be the same gender? No offense to any girls, because I am one myself, but do we really want more emotional people running around on this planet? Girls are great but so are boys. Why would God make man and woman if He wanted us to make them all into one gender when they got to earth?
If you couldn't tell, the whole thing bugs me a little.
       Besides I believe that when we are born into this world, that we have the boy girl tendencies in us. I have a niece who has an older brother and and he loves bikes, trucks, balls, all sports, anything that the typical boy likes. My niece came along and she liked that stuff too but she saw a doll at someones house and immediately picked it up and held it to her. Where would she have learned that? She didn't own any dolls. It is her nature to be motherly even at such a small age of 1.
      I may be wrong to some people when I say that when I have my own kids, I am going to teach my boys to be boys! That sports is the way to go and that they are tough. Don't worry I won't be a freak about all of that, and they will get options, but I'm just saying, that's the direction I will probably take.
    Men and Women compliment one another in their separate roles and can make a powerful team together.

Social Standing

In class this week we were asked, does social class matter in terms of accomplishing the purpose of a family? I thought about it for a quick second then proceeded to write no because having money doesn't make you gain relationships with your family members. Spending time together does. I thought it was a pretty easy question to answer until we started to discuss it in class and I realized, wow I am pretty narrow minded. There were so many good and valid points for both sides of the argument that I feel like I still don't know the answer.
   Reading about different immigrants that have tried so hard to come to the U.S. to gain a better life for their family really made me take a second look at those people. I have never blamed people for wanting to come here to gain a better life, but I have never given them enough credit either. They usually work harder than almost all of the Americans here because they want the best for the children. I gained a greater respect for these families. I will never understand how hard it is to have your dad leave for years to another country trying to provide a way for me, then coming back together and trying to restart a relationship. Incredible people are all around us and do we pay enough attention to it?

Week 2-Family Systems

Have you ever thought about the family in terms of systems? Or how there are boundaries around all the relationships in your family? I know that such a thing had never crossed my mind until we talked about it in class. But once you start thinking about it, it really makes sense.
    There are the 3 types of boundaries
1. A picket fence boundary- This is open and friendly and where we want out relationships to be.
2. The Rigid Wall- Keep everything out or everything in.
3. Fence post (Diffuse) Boundaries- Things that should stay in, don't.
There are meant to be boundaries to every relationship and hopefully we all have the nice picket fence. But unfortunately we know that not all families are perfect, like we wish, and we know there are different relationships that need to be worked on. Some may be harder than others but they take work and families are the  most important thing we have on this earth, along with the gospel, so that means we HAVE to get to work to improve them.
    I like the analogy of a family standing in a circle holding hands and when one person is falling back or has weight on them, the rest of the family feels it and braces for it. When someone in your family is going through something hard, it is our duty to pick them up and help carry the weight of the burden they have. So the family will make an adjustment like in a circle holding hands, everyone adjusts to the weight of one.
   Elder Paul E. Koelliker said in his April 2012 General Conference talk, "The Father's plan designated the pattern of the family to help us learn, apply, and understand the power of love." We have such a good opportunity to learn from the members of our family, to try to understand the many things this world throws at us, and we can do it together.